Goodbye 2015


One more day and we'll be celebrating / welcoming the new year of 2016. I will be 30 next year. Kinda scared, actually. Heard so much about women in their 30s and gosh, I am old! 

Last night I had a panic attack, thinking bout stuffs that I have been doing for 29 years of living, and basically, I don't even know what the hell happened. Flashbacks and tonnes of flashbacks last night; it made my brain explode ( not yet, but if really felt like it did! )

Being a mother changes everything. With my firstborn, I was that young mother who planned out everything, always intense and perfectionist when it comes to raising my child. It was intense. I cried a lot, I screamed a lot, I felt unhappy at times. I had that postpartum depression, and I went through hell trying to squeeze everything into place. I was trying to be independent. I refuse to share anything with my husband because I thought that's what a mother should be, taking care of your kids and I must succeed no matter what. The thought of failing my job as a mother really took a toll on me. It was alarming. I fell sick.

After giving birth to my second child, I feel more relaxed. I am being more lenient towards my kids, and I  let my husband to help me. He is such a darling and I am grateful to have him. Being raised by independent women, I'm wired to take care of myself and not being dependent of any men. He constantly reminding me that I can count on him no matter what and he wants me to just let it be. He has been teaching my son to take care of me when he is not around. Sometimes when I am tired,my son would bring me water and pillows and asked me to get some rest. He even bring me chocolates; just in case. Even though he looks a lot like me, but he is becoming more and more of my husband and I like that. As for my second son, I am soooo in love with him. He is a total resemblance of my husband! I can't believe he is already 6 months old.I love my life right now. I really do. 

As for 2016, I know what I really want.

I want to be happy.
I want to make my family happy.
I want to help more people.
That's it.
I hope I can make it.

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